Fear Allah in Women – Part 3

Fearing Allah in women in the foremost part means treating them as equal human beings, whether as a wife or as a daughter. And since part of being human means being imperfect, a husband must accept that his wife/daughter will make mistakes. The key difference between a good husband and a bad one is that the former imitates the prophet SAW when a problem arises with his household, whereas, the latter takes a different path. Big mistake!

And since the prophet SAW never beat any of his wives/daughters, then he must have been doing something else to avoid such outcome, what is it? The prescription is described in detail, not by the prophet SAW, but rather by Allah SWT. Please read carefully how to rectify a wife’s error: “As to those women on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them, then refuse to share their beds, and finally beat them (lightly)” (4:34).

This is the order: Admonish, then migrate their beds, and “only” if both fail, you are allowed to beat lightly as a means of saying “wake up!”. Now, how many husbands understand that admonition means soft, kind and nice words. How many know that it never comes from a cold heart?! Admonition means touching the other person’s heart to soften it, so if you can’t do this to your wife, who would you do it to?! Seriously! Then the husband would say I admonished her but she never listens; but you haven’t even admonished her yet! Only when you praise her you do!

Only when all praise and kind words fail to rectify the matter is the husband allowed to turn his back to his wife in bed for three nights maximum. And when all this fails, beating is allowed, not with your hand Mr. Husband but rather with a Siwak, or the equivalent of a toothbrush! So why did scholars unanimously agree that beating should only be with a Siwak? Because it will NEVER harm! And Because this is what the prophet SAW did when he wanted to rectify one of his companions; he SAW tickled him with a Siwak! Let alone that admonition, migrating beds and beating as a last resort are for MAJOR problems ONLY, so husbands, do not abuse them!

On a separate note, are you aware that if you beat her with a Siwak (or toothbrush) and hurt her or harm her, your beating becomes Haram?! Are you aware that if you beat her on the face or on sensitive parts of the body even with a Siwak, that your beating becomes Haram?! Are you aware that if you dishonor her with a Siwak in any way, or tickle her with it in front of her children, your beating becomes Haram?! Are you aware that if your Siwak leaves any mark on her body, your beating instantly becomes Haram?!

Let’s conclude with what I think is probably the biggest misconception with Muslim husbands. Sustaining the house is her right not a favor from you! When the prophet SAW says “He should feed her whenever he eats and cloth her whenever he clothes himself” [Ibn Majah], then never come and brag about it later on!

What was presented in those three articles is the least understanding of “Fear Allah in Women”, so please treat the matter with extreme care!